Update #2

Hello people! I am back with another post and this time I will talk about the thoughts I had for this past few days. So, first of all, of course I want to talk about the nearing March 16th; the day where I'll get the SPM result slip. I'm nervous like everyone else is, but I don't like it when people start posting pictures/stories on instagram along with a caption that says "4 more days", or anything alike. You don't have to count the days down for me I can do it myself perfectly thank you very much. I don't know how to say this- counting down the days like that is like, torturing? It heightens my anxiety? I don't even know myself but what I do know is that I don't like it. Maybe I'm being over-sensitive since it's almost D-day.

Honestly speaking, I'm nervous but at the same time, I can't be bothered. I don't know how that works but it just does, okay? The reason why I said 'I can't be bothered' is because frankly speaking I've given up on studying since like, grade six. At first, I had some big dreams of making it to other countries to study and stuff but now I'm just like, going with the flow. I realized I didn't study at all last year and all I do was play around and do other things than studying. I remember panicking two weeks before the actual exam; trying in vain to cram all the information into my dead rusty brain. 

So what I'm saying is, I don't have any high hopes (or hopes at all) for SPM and I will be upset if I ever get less than 5 A's but I'm sure I'll move on pretty fast because I know I deserved it lol. Meh whatever, it's not like it's the end of the world. Even though it's hard, I can probably do better in college/university. 

Now that I think about it, I played around so much last year, god. I rarely do homework myself. I'm 100% sure all the finished homework were copied from a friend. I'm stupid at anything that involves numbers which means I'm horrible at math and addmath. I suck at chemistry and physics too because I simply don't care about science. Wait, add BM to the list of 'subjects I don't give a fuck about'. As for civil studies..... it's the most Boring™ thing I've ever forced myself to learn. I really don't fucking know why I ever transferred to a technical school (and majored in Civil studies at that) when I have minus thousand interest in anything technical. Guess I was desperate to leave my old school (it was so horrible I'd rather stay at tikl). I'm OK with engineering drawing, I don't hate it but I don't love it either; it's a neutral feeling. History was the class I dreaded the most, just because the teacher is super stern and scary (and she's not particularly fond of me either), and not to mention; she gave tons of homework. Agama was not bad (except for when we had to memorize ayat al quran, I suck at menghafal) and English was probably the only class I looked forward to- since you know, it's the only subject I know what the fuck's going on. 

 Moving on to another less-taxing topic, I want to talk about the stuffs I've been doing these past few months. I took driving class to get my license and it's going well, I think. Oh, actually I've been planning on applying for a job since forever but my lazy butt likes to procrastinate and now it's kinda too late for me to work. I'm genuinely broke right now, like, I can't even buy an ice cream without clutching my wallet dramatically and sobbing mentally (bought the ice cream anyway). My sisters helped me gain some money back by paying me to do some of their works that requires editing skills. Since I'm the godmother of Photoshop in the household, I do them in hope of saving money and leaving the broke people black hole. Other than trying to be less broke, I am also trying to sharpen my art skills. I draw anything almost everyday in my sketchbook, I watch art videos on youtube, and I bring my sketchbook anywhere. It's working, albeit slowly. Since I'm planning to pursue a career that involves art, might as well be good at it before I actually start pursuing it, no?

My back is hurting right now because I've been hunching to type so I'm just gonna end this update on life with a sprinkle of rant right now. Thank you for wasting your time reading this pointless blog and bye bye!